When The Sun Sets
by OnceAthoughtNowADream
Summary: No one lives a perfect life, everyone has secrets. Can two people that know nothing but pain and abandonment learn to lean and love one another . Very AU. Violence and Addiction are a big part of this. M-rated for obvious reasons.
1. everything was black

**Hi this is my new story, I had the idea and had to write it. its going to be kind of difficult with all the drama and angst, its my going to be a bumping but fun ride so.. hope you like it, reviews are everything ..tell me if I should continue!**

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Waking up in a cold sweat became a way of life for Finn Hudson, he knew it came with the package of being someone like him. Not that anyone knew what kind of life he led, to them he was the hot shot QB that every guy wanted to be and every girl wanted to bone. The part that got him the most is that in all these years no one even questioned the fact that he never allowed people over his house or even talked about his family, all they ever saw was the popularity and trophies he was bringing to them and the school. He was sure if anyone ever knew what his life was really like, he wouldn't have a friend in the world.

Most kids wake up to the smell of pancakes on a Saturday morning, Finn woke up to his dad punching yet another hole in their wall and his mom screaming for him to stop. His family wasn't always like this, he saw pictures of when he was born right before his dads last tour, the tour that changed his family. He could hear his father getting closer, and like every day he hoped he'd just forget that he existed, he didn't have that good of luck. His dad busted through his door snatching off his covers, "Chris, stop –let Finn sleep, we can discuss this without him, please!" Before he knew what was going on he felt himself being lifted in the air and slammed back into the floor, so hard that he knocked the air right out of him, and before he could even fill his lungs up he felt the little air he had knocked back out of him, he could hear his father asking him someone but he was trying to concentrate on his breathing. "DO YOU FUCKIN' HEAR ME YOU PIECE OF SHIT" his dad yelled while flipping him over and twisting his arm behind his back so tight that he knew at if he moved wrong his arm would break, he could feel the tears lining his eyes, "I asked if there was a reason that the uniform I spent my money on was on the floor in the living room of the house that I paid for? Are you that ungrateful?" his dad leaned down while putting his knee in Finns back "good thing it's winter break huh boy?" he whispered right before Finn felt a sharp pain and everything went black.

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"_Hit me with your best shot..why don't you hit me with your best shot.."_ Rachel Berry lived a pretty good life, no, she didn't have a mother but her housekeeper was very sweet and since she could remember always came to her plays and recitals and at night would read her a bedtime story until she got to old and then they would sit and watch a movie together. She had a father but he was always gone, but her chauffeur was a very sweet man that built her first bike, and pretty much did anything that her dad didn't do, which was everything. Friends were rare for her, but her love life was always non-existent. She had a school girl crush that's kind of lasted longer then she hoped, but it was Finn Hudson, who didn't with they were the girl on his arm. Finn was the only person that hadn't thrown a slushie in her face, she dropped her books one day and he was the only person to stop and help her gather them. She was sure he had no idea what her name is, but that didn't stop her from staring at him and planning their wedding secretly. Rachel knew it was a long shot what could she give someone that had it all? So she never pursued him.

She continued getting ready for her morning run, today she felt spontaneous and decided to take a cut through the woods. Her neighborhood was almost as big as the whole town she sometimes got lost and it was a part of the neighbor hood that was reserved, her dad called it old money, that meant it was mostly people that money was handed down. Finn lived in there, although she never saw him and had no idea what house he lived in, she'd heard her father talking about it to his accountant about how someone with so much money should help their community and the Hudson were nothing more then hermits. She stopped behind the biggest house in the neighborhood for some shade and to drink some water when out of nowhere a football helmet nearly took her head off. She picked it up and saw blood smeared over the number "5", now shes isn't into football but when you have a crush on someone you atleast know what number they are, and 5 belonged to Finn. She walked around to the front of the house, it really was immaculate. When she reached the front door, she took a deep breath and rang the doorbell, she was taken back by the big, like _really_ big man in front of her. "WHAT" he yelled at her, "Well I was running and this came flying out your window in sure it was not meant to take my head off but nevertheless you guys should be careful, im sure it was the boys playing or something but well – here" she handed over the helmet and could see that his hand was almost cover in blood, it was so much that the only logical explanation is that he was working with some kind of hardware and cut his hand. He snatched back and she heard a lady scream "Chris please hurry he isn't waking up!" he dropped his head and said a fast and small thank you and shut the door in Rachel's face.

She backed away from the door then walked to the side of the house, she needed to hear better, then she heard " Just get the bucket Carol and throw some water on him, Finns a big boy, he'll be fine. And don't look at me like that, my only regret is that ive somehow raised a boy that can't take a few blows to the head without passing out. NOW WAKE HIM AND CLEAN THIS SHIT UP!" that was all she heard before the slam of the door knocked her out of the trance she was in.

This wasn't how she thought Finn's life was like, but he needed someone and she wanted more then anything to be that person.


	2. ill be the giver

**Ok I wanted to share some thing, its pretty crazy right now but I wanted this to be a story about how.. no matter the how far apart Finn and Rachel seem, they will always find away.. against everything that is thrown their way. Also I started with Finns dad story but the more we get into the story slowly everything will come out. Also Rachels story will come out, shes kind of still not sure what shes feeling either.. ok enough of my rambling..Reviews are everything :)**

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"_baby..can you hear me-please open your eyes..it's mommy Finn, I'm so sorry!"_You know those dreams where your falling but you cant stop and when you're about to hit the grown you wake up. I've learned over the years that being unconscious is like that but you keep reaching the ground and then just starting over. When I hear my moms voice I know its almost over, I try to open my eyes but it kind of feels like someone sowed them shut, "_mom"_ is all I could muster out before she grabbed me up and hugged me a lot harder then I wanted. " He's sleeping Finn lets get you in the shower and ill get this up and then you can rest while I start dinner." She helped me get up and undressed and I can tell by her face that the bruises and cuts are as bad as they feel but she doesn't say anything. She helps me in the shower and when the hot water hits it's like being set on fire, but I know it will pass soon so I wait with my lips pinched together to make sure I don't scream.

My dad was dealt a bad hand when it came to life, his dad, my grandpa, owned most of the restaurants in Lima, so money was never an issue, My grandpa wasn't a bad guy he just didn't know how to be a father and well from the stuff that my mom has told me, he didn't know how to be a husband either.

But my mom swears that my dad isn't like him, but I wish he was I would take being ignored over being beaten anyday. The only thing I am proud of is that since I was 7 and stood up to him about putting his hands on my mom, he doesn't touch her anymore, he comes and finds me. I finally get out of the shower not because I wanted to but because it was literally freezing, and I get a look at what the monster had done today as I thought it was one of the worst yet. I pulled my hoodie over my head flinching with every move and found the biggest sweat pants I could find so it wouldn't touch my skin. I walked in my room and realized it was only 3pm but our dinners start at around 4 because my dad has a rule, he going to bed every night at sun set. He gets up around 2am and starts his own personal party then comes and find me and after takes a nap and when he wakes up its like nothing ever happened.

Walking into the kitchen was awkward I knew my mom wanted to run over and hug me because how bad I looked but my dad just got up and put his hand on my shoulder " - make sure you put your stuff up, you have to take care of your things son.", and like that he walked out to watch his game.

I always think about leaving, I have enough money in my trust to buy a home somewhere and live comfortable until he died, but I know my mom would never leave. She's not crazy or anything she's just in love with the man she met in high school and thinks that one day he'll come back. I could never leave her knowing that she would take my spot in his late night human punching bag game. But I do wish I had someone, someone that was for me and loved me. For someone who looks like they have it all, I think im the loneliest person on earth.

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My run that morning ended up being the worst thing to happen. I could still hear Finns mom begging Finn to wake up. I felt like I should have done something and then I heard her talking and a small whisper coming from a husky dry voice. I know its none of my business but whatever is going on I want to help. I couldn't possibly walk up this house and tell him in there to save him, but I have over a week to figure out a way to be the shoulder to lean on for Finn.

Dinner at my house is less than normal I usually eat with my two favorite people, I sometimes I wish Miss. Greenway and Mr. Smithson were my parents and not my help. I don't see them as people that are being paid to be around me I think that even if money wasn't involved they would still be there for me.

After dinner I decide to call the only person I would consider a-an..umm "associate?" i'm not sure but she's cool and helps me a lot when I need it and talks to me, even if she is vulgar and rude sometimes its nice because it's from her heart. "Santana, can you come over? I think I need your assistance" I'm not a 100% sure how to ask someone to come over and dig up research on helping someone out of a bad home and also getting the nerves to actually talk to the person so you can help in the first place. After an hour of waiting she finally comes and I tell her a little white lie, that i'm doing a paper for extra credit about how to get out of a abusive home it took another hour and she stripping me to my underwear and bra so she could make sure I don't have any marks on me. Then I had to remind her that my dad is never home so it would be impossible for him to virtually abuse me over Skype.

The days passed quickly, I was really taken back by how common all of this is, but I think I had enough sources and information that when I present him with my findings he will be relived and extremely grateful.

Friday morning I decided to go run I had gotten so caught up in my research I hadn't gone on my daily run since..since-well you know "the incident". I decided against going by Finns house and just go around, it was a nice path and I couldn't avoid it forever. I could see Finns house from the path and everything seemed calm today, maybe I was wrong and he fell and his dad caught him and then ..no that doesn't make since I heard him say he hit him. Damnit..but I couldn't help me stare at his house almost trying to mentally will him out the house and then I could.. THUD. I went flying to my butt. "I am so sorry I was running and I didn't even see you I can be extremely clumsy it's like a curse or someth-" and that was it when I saw who I ran into, his beautiful amber eyes were almost glaring into my soul I was sure my heart stopped for a moment and my brain turned to goo. I looked over his face and I was like nothing had happen but he had a cut right under his hair line. "Its cool.. I mean I think next time you're running in the woods you should probably look where it is you're going and not stare oddly at peoples house, ya know..so you don't run into a tree or something." I could feel my face turn so red that I was sure it was going to melt off. When he looked at me and that killer half smile came to his lips and I think I actually started to float. Him looking at me like that isn't helping this never ending crush I've had on him. "Oh you are so right, I was being.. I am so sorry, but trees-..they suck."Wait what the heck did I just say to him? He started to laugh, a little harder then I would have liked, but I mean his laugh was pretty amazing too. "Yeah they are a pain in the ass I guess, well it was nice seeing you Berry, I better get back home." Holy crap how did he know my name, "You too Finn! Bye" when he turned I could see him kind of limp, and reality set back in, yes he was an amazing looking man also kind and generous but he was also broken.

**Tell me what your thinking, thoughts and ideas are always welcome!**


	3. when its cold outside

**thanks for the follows and favs and reviews!, this chapter is very Finchel and I wanted it to be a good calm chapter, Rachel does have her own baggage and you get a little idea of what it has to do with in this chapter I want to wait until its told between them, so you guys don't have to read it twice. I hope you guys like it!**

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I don't feel anything most of the time, I don't cry, I don't get happy. I sometimes feel something that's close to anger but after 10 years I think I'm just numb to the pain. I think that's why the other day in the woods when I felt something for someone I couldn't let it go. Someone so tiny has the biggest affect on me, I've seen her here and there over the past week since school let back in. When I do see her, I can tell she wants to say something to me. More than anything I wish I could stay and see whatever it is she has to say but I know if I'm around her again ill end up doing something stupid like asking her out. Rachel Berry, deserve better than that, she deserves better than me. I can't give her the love she needs because I don't know if I'm capable of it anymore, I can't give her the boy that everyone thinks I am. Instead I would be giving her someone that has nothing to offer her just pain and drama, and that's something im not going to do to her.

"Dude are you going to the bomb fire tonight? The twins are going to be there and they are _ready!" _Puck has been the closest thing to a best friend I've had all my life, his mom and my mom use to be best friends in high school and our friendship kind of came natural. In the earlier years I think he suspected something but over the years he just gave up trying to get something out of me."I'll have to ask my dad, and the twins are always 'ready' that is why I stay very far away from them. That's all you bro." I'm not a prude or anything, I mean I'm a guy so I've had my fair share but I atleast like to have feelings for the person. If im being completely honest the only person I want to be close to right now, is her.

My dad was in a pretty good mood today, so when I asked if I could go to the bomb fire he actually didn't care.

"_Ill be there in 15 mins" _i text Puck, since hes been blowing my phone up trying to see if I was going to ask my dad. "_Cool see ya soon bro" _I'm not really into a fashion, if it's comfortable then I wear it so I settle on a white t-shirt and khaki shorts.

Before I even got out of my car someone handed me a cup full of liquor, I danced and drank, trying to make sure I don't get to drunk. The hours passed and I was getting ready to go home, I can only handle so many "wooo" girls and them trying to eat my face off. When I saw her sitting against the tree with a red cup in her hand, she looked amazing. She had her hair curled perfectly and a plaid skirt on, I've never noticed that her legs are the longest most beautiful tanned legs I've ever seen "Hey what are you doing out here by yourself"

I could feel her gaze on me and I've never wanted to touch someone more in my life. "Uh-I came with my friend Santana, she went off with some guy with a very odd hair cut and I haven't seen her sense." God, even her voice is soft and amazing. "Well, I can give you ride if you want?" This is a good example of how I don't have self control obviously, giving a ride to a girl I haven't been able to stop thinking about for the past week isn't my best idea, brilliant Hudson. "That would be great thanks!"

The car ride wasn't that bad, she talks a lot, seriously _a lot _in the 20 minutes we were together I'm pretty sure I know everything about Rachel there is to know, and I like it. I like that she has so much passion when she talks about going to New York, she believes in herself, I really hope she makes it there. Everyone should know about her, when I pulled up to her house I cant lie and say I didn't hate that it was over. "Thanks for the ride Finn, I hope I get to see you again?" Oh crap, play it cool. " Uh-yeah that would be great, let me get your number and ill call you..sound good?" She takes my phone and I cant help but sit and smile like a complete idiot as she hands it back and smiles her megawatt smile. I stay to make sure she gets in safe.

Somehow being around her, makes me forget how much everything else in my life is horrible. I just have to figure out if that's selfish or not. To want her but know I don't deserve her.

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I, Rachel Berry, am the biggest coward on earth, maybe this whole universe. Last night I was in Finn's car and all I could talk about was myself and not once did I reach out to him. He was smiling and I haven't seen his smile it seemed so genuine I didn't want to ruin it by bringing up his home situation, he was doing something nice for me and I didn't just want to blurt out that I know about his life and the ways I've spent countless hours researching on the subject so I could help. I'm pretty sure he would never speak to me again, and I don't think I could handle that. I've always felt something for Finn it was an undeniable connection, but being around him and hearing his laugh or when he opened he door for me I couldn't help but think about how chivalrous he was, a true gentlemen. When he dropped me off and he watched me to make sure I got in safely I could have married him on the spot, but I'm not crazy.

I've been waiting for him to call, not that I thought he would call. Finn and I, are from two completely different worlds, but it felt good to know that my number is in his phone. I decide to go on about my day, as usual my dad isn't home. I spend most the day practicing I know my voice is amazing but it could only get better with practice. That way when I do go to NYC and I start to audition they will have no other choice but hire me on the spot. I contemplated going on run but how weird would that be if I ran into him again, then he might feel the need to try and explain to me why he didn't call. I don't take rejection very well, I think I've had enough in my life to last.

When my phone starts to ring you can imagine how weak my knees went, it was a number I didn't know. But I didn't want to answer it like I was standing next to the phone (even though I was).

"Hello?"

"Rachel?"

"Oh, yes..who is this?" (I knew who it was)

"Oh,um..this is Finn.. I was wondering if you were busy today I was going to see a movie and see if you wanted to go?"

Is Finn Hudson, the quarterback, the most popular guy in school, the hottest guy on earth, asking me out right now? Someone should pinch me or throw water on my face for more of a dramatic effect.

"That sounds great, when were you thinking of going?"

"I can be at your house in about 30 minutes if that's cool with you?"

Of course that's cool with me, is he insane. If he told me he'd be here in 5 minutes I would be ready and waiting.

"Yes. I can be ready by then, See ya Finn!"

"See ya Rach."

He just called me Rach…

The ride to the movies was amazing, we both love the same type of music and even better he had a really nice voice, his pitch was a little off but that's because he doesn't have my years of training. We'll work on it though, the movie was ok I don't know I don't watch action movies. Only thing was I was concern about was half way through he put his arm around my shoulder and it took everything in me to remember to breath. He asked if I wanted to go get some ice cream, he talked about himself a lot more this time, we laughed at his embarrassing stories and I held his hand when he told me about his grandmother passing away. He talked about his mom, but never once brought up his dad. I cant blame him, "So are you still with that guy Bradley or whatever?" how did he know about Brody, no one knew about him, I like to imagine he was a part in my life was a nightmare. "His name was Brody and no, it was never really like that it was more of an arrangement between our father, I don't really want to talk about him. Have you thought about what's next for you when we graduate?" he tells me about the schools he's been thinking about applying for and all I could think about, was wanting to take him with me to NYC. When we got to my house around 9pm, and that was when the awkward silence happened, until he leaned over and kissed my cheek, "This was nice Rach, hope we can do it again." He kisses my cheek and then basically tells me we will go on another 'date' then he wants me to be able to speak. "Er.-Um.. of course that would be amazing F-Finn." Trying not to skip to my door I wave before I turn around and walk into my house.

When I get into my room, reality hits me. What's next? Do I let him tell me on his own time, or do I tell him I know? I want to help him but I don't want to force it and he pushes me away.

I need to figure this all out, how to help him. Also I need to find out how much he knows about me and Brody. We both have secrets, maybe he knows mine and he just doesn't know what to do like me? I hope he doesn't know, if he did he would probably be disgusted and never want to be around me. No, that will not ruin this for me. He can't ever find out.

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**SOOOOO..what do you guys think? I loved this chapter is was nice and bringing them together is always fun :) reviews are everything!**


	4. i cant stand the rain

**Writing today was hard, after "City of Angels" last night, who watched it? my heart broke with the flashbacks..but it reminded me how important fics are. This is angst filled but I think this is the chapter most of you have been waiting for. I miss you Cory, more then anything in this world.**

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She's better then me, in the two weeks we've been hanging out, I know that she's so much better then me. I don't know what to call us all I know if that when I wake up I either have a text from her or I text her, I hate when it takes me along time to text her back because my dad had a bad night and I had to pay the price. She's amazing though she never questions me about why sometimes I can't come out, I told her one time when she went to hug me and I flinched that I'd tell her about me one day. She stared at me like I was most beautiful thing she had ever seen and she pushed up on her tip toes and pressed her soft lips on the corners of my lips. I knew she understood somehow, and one day I do plan on telling her I think out of everyone in my life, she is the only person I can tell. She's everything I'm not, and somehow it works. She has these moments were I only see pain in her eyes, I don't know why but I don't want to push her, I figure that one day she'll trust me and let me in. I hate the days that I can't be around her, when I talk to her I can hear the saddest in her voice.

Friday was one of the biggest games of the year, and as usual I'm so nervous I can barely breathe. If we lose I don't have to only answer to my team mates, it's the town and my dad. He doesn't accept failure, and if I'm not the best then I'm making our family look bad. I always wonder what the town would think if they knew what kind of man my dad was really. The game was tied but at the very end we won by a point.

We went out to celebrate, and before I knew it I was drunk and sitting in a car that smelt like coconuts. I was too dizzy to open my eye, but I heard her humming and that enough calmed my nerves. When we stopped the only thing I could get to come out was " don't walk to the door with me, ill text you tomorrow" I kissed her on her hand to thank her silently and dragged myself out the car. I put all my weight on the door and turned to waved, to signal it was alright for her to go. I could hear him yelling on the other side of the door, more than anything I wanted to run after Rachel and never walk through the door of my house. Before I could finish my though the door can flying open and I went tumbling to the floor, I might have been drunk but I knew what was coming next. I don't know if it was the alcohol or what, but i could feel the tears burn my eyes, with every blow that he landed I could see her staring back at me. I knew he was screaming but all I heard was her humming how she was doing in the car, I don't know how long it had been before it became unbearable to breath and I saw red as blood dripped into my eyes. He stopped yelling and I could hear my mom crying when he grabbed me by my arm and dragged my almost lifeless body up the steps before throwing me in my room ,my mom trying with everything in her power to push pass him and get to me before he grabbed her by her arm and shut my door. I heard the thunder and then the rain started to fall, I don't know if it was the hits I had just taken or my exhaustion but before I knew it everything around me was dark and I didn't hear or feel anything anymore, I was thankful.

It's been three days since I dropped Finn off after the party, he had gotten so drunk. That by the time I got there Puck was holding him up and trying to get him to drink water. I had already decided I was going to was going to wait for him to tell me about his dad when he opened up and told me one day he would tell me about himself and I already knew what he meant. I knew when he didn't want me to walk him up to the front of his house that it had something to do with his dad, maybe he grounded him. I called Puck earlier and he said he hadn't heard from him nor had he came and got his car from his house.

I could feel my nerves bubble over everytime I woke up without any calls or texts from him, it was like my heart was being ripped out, at that moment I didn't care about the consequences I just knew I had to see him. I grabbed my coat and stormed out my house, I'd just walk to his house. I was half way down the trail when I started to get nervous, I heard my ringtone and I knew exactly who it was.

"Hello ..Rach?"

"Don't Rach me Finn Hudson, where have you been.. I'm literally on my way to your house I was so worried I couldn't wait for you anymore. And then after 3 days you call and all you have to say is 'hello' are you fuckin' serious?"

It was a awkward silence, I didn't mean to yell at him just the fear that something had happened to him was so overwhelming that when I finally heard his voice it was like I could breathe again and apparently I breathe fire because what I said burned and I could tell by how shaky his voice was.

"I-I'm so sorry, I want to see you..you said you were on the way to my house, don't come here..can you meet me tonight though when the sun set and my dad goes to sleep in the wood were we first met?"

I wanted nothing more then to tell him no, run to him and never let him go.

"Yes, I'll see you tonight Finn. Bye"

"Bye Rach..and thank you ..for everything"

I walked back to my house to yet again wait, waiting was hard. But for Finn I'd wait forever.

I watched the sun fall as I walked through the woods to the spot that I was when my life ultimately changed forever, as I walked closer I could see him walking toward me with a flashlight in hand. When it became to agonizing to wait, I started to run and I wrapped my arms around his neck and I could feel his flinch. I pulled away not wanting to hurt him, I looked in his eyes and I didn't see that spark that I had seen for the past few weeks. He looked like someone that had been beaten into submission, I hated it. I know what it feel like to have no hope and be the victim of you own life, I couldn't see him going through it anymore. Tonight I'm going to make him tell me, I don't care how mad he gets anymore.

"So.. where have you been Finn? Puck said you haven't contacted him or got your car from his house?" I could tell he was questioning me having communication with Puck, but that wasn't important right now so he'd have to get over it." And why are you flinching when I touch you? You were fine when I got you from the party?" I didn't know how he was going to take that but I wasn't sure I was going to be able to handle whatever lie he came up with. " My dad and I were moving some furniture and we slipped and it fell on me, i'm okay don't worry about it." He lied right through his teeth. "So you can move furniture but you could answer a phone call or text?" it was like my blood was boiling, I know what it's like to want and protect your father but he has to stop, at least he has the option. "It's complicated Rachel not everything is black or white, I was really busy and don't you think that if I could have been with you or talking to you, that's exactly what I would have been doing? I would have been with you every moment of everyday, but I couldn't." I could feel the tears lining my eyes. "Yes you could have Finn, you chose not to be." His eyes narrowed and I knew I had moved him from vulnerable and open to angry and closed off. "What does that mean? You think I wanted to not be around you? Seriously Rachel you must not know shit about me, being around you is the only good thing in my life. But if you think I don't-" I don't know what happened next I guess you can call it word vomit, I was just so mad he was lying to me and he looked so broken I couldn't stop myself. "everyone has secrets Finn, including me.. the only difference is I know yours and I have to listen to you lie about it every time you have a new bruise or cut, I know about your father and if I meant as much as you claim I do, you'd tell me and let me help instead of lie to me and cover for his ass." When I was done his eyes were as wide as I think eyes can go, I wasn't afraid I knew Finn would never hurt me, but I was scared this would be the last time I'd ever speak to him. "I'm sorry Finn, I didn't mean for it to come out like that. Yes, I do know and I've found a lot of ways to help you but I wanted you to tell me on your own time."

It felt like forever before he said anything again, "You know? So what is this for you Rachel? Charity? You want to help the poor boy that looks like he has it all and in reality has nothing? Well Rach.. I did have something.. I had you, but not anymore. Your right we do all have secrets, you don't think I notice that when were out and someone brushes against you, you jump? But I didn't push it, but I don't know what's worse you knowing and not saying anything so you could watch me lie to you and hate every minute or that you obviously don't see me how I see you." He started to walk away, It felt like he wasn't just breaking my heart but my soul too. "Please Finn stop! Talk to me..don't shut me out." I grabbed his arm in hopes I could get him to stay. " I have nothing else to say to you Rachel." He snatched his arm away and like that he was gone, it happened so fast that it was almost like he was never there.

I needed Finn Hudson, he had become a part of me that I couldn't just let go, and no matter how long it took. I'd get him to see that, I have to show him I trust him and the only way I can is to just tell him everything.

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**let me know what you're thinking? review please!**

**also thank you for favs and follows and reviews they mean so much :)**


	5. connect the dots

**Im enjoying writing this story, for everyone reading my other one. Im having a little writers block on it but as soon as I figure out whats next ill finish it. Anyways.. I hope you guys like this chapter. REVIEWS ARE EVERYTHING! please and thank you**

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After I came home drunk and without my car mixed with my dad drinking a bottle of whiskey by himself. I wasn't surprised when I didn't wake up until 3 days later, and when I saw the messages from Rachel and heard the pain in her voice, that hurt worse than anything physical I was feeling. I knew I had to see her so after I called her and we decided to meet up after my dad went to sleep I knew that familiar feeling I get when I'm with her would come rushing back. Instead when I saw her I knew something was different by how she looked at me, she was hurt and mad and confused, and then she told me she knew about my father and the beatings. I don't know if I handled it right, it felt like that walls were closing in and I couldn't breathe.

That was 5 days ago, every time I pick up my phone to call or text her back. I freeze, what am I suppose to say to say to her?

Puck has called me a few times about answering Rachel, I guess after we started, er..umm..dating? Puck and Rachel bonded, now I feel like the only reason they did is because they are the only people that have been close enough to me and my life to know something is off. I just hope Rachel wouldn't tell Puck everything and let him just be suspicious of everything and let him assume whatever he wants. I hadn't talked to my dad, and he hasn't talked to me either. When it gets as bad as it was he stays away from me for awhile, Dr. Nustle, is a family "friend". My dad helped him out in a huge way, money does buy everything..even your silence. He's my own person doctor, when my dad does too much damage; he comes over and does whatever is needed. I don't know what my dad has on him, but sometimes when I see him and he looked at me before popping my shoulder back in to place, I can feel how sorry he is. But I don't blame him, he doesn't owe me anything no one does. Apparently, the only person I love, sees me as a charity case.

It's been 8 days and I'm going crazy, if I don't see her soon I think I might actually go insane. I don't know what it is, I can feel her. No matter where I am or what I'm doing it's like she in me, like when she moves I move. It's like I'm tethered to her or something, In my shit hole of life she's like this beacon of light, she's everything I need and more. I can't stay away anymore..

_ Do you hate me Rach?_

_I could never hate you Finn_

_I'm sorry, for everything..walking away and staying away for so long_

_Don't be, I understand..we should talk in person?_

_When the sun sets?_

_Sounds perfect, where do you want to meet?_

_Our spot. _

I don't feel betrayed by her anymore, no anger. Just love and I don't know how or when it happened. But I fell completely in love with this girl.

And tonight I plan on telling her just that even if she doesn't love me back, after knowing that im broken she probably doesn't. I don't care I have to tell her anyways.

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I didn't sleep for days I waited for him to say anything to my ridiculous amounts of text, the 3rd day I stopped, I realized he needed time. Doesn't mean it didn't hurt. It sounds crazy but I felt like I was always with him even when he isn't around. I feel safe and comfortable, i've never loved anyone, I've never been with someone that cared about me. Brody didn't love me, I was a bride I was a game piece in the game that I didn't know was being played until it was too late.

When Finn texted me I couldn't do anything but cry, how could he think I could hate him? Doesn't he know how much I truly love him? Finn is it for me, it no one in the world I would rather be next to. I need him to know that, believe that.. I love Finn Hudson and after to know he will know that, and he will know me completely.

_I'm so sorry im running late my dad Skyped me and it took longer then I thought._

_Its ok Rach, ill be here waiting for you._

_Im still sorry I made you wait, im walking as fast as I can!_

_Ill always wait for you Rach. _

I stopped and stared at the text, and recalled myself saying those words about him a few weeks ago to myself. I love him so much.

I started running like my life depended on it, when I saw him he was sitting on a blanket with a old fashion candle sitting in the middle. He is absolutely perfect, " Hi baby" he says without turning around, I walk in from of him. "Hey babe" I could feel my smile grown as big as possible and he takes my hand and pulls me down to him so im sitting between his legs. Nothing feels more right then being right here with him. He gets another blanket and wraps it around us. We sit like that for what felt like hours before he said something. " I don't want you involved in my problems." My heart dropped, did he not want me or trust me? I was knocked out of my horrible thoughts when he continued, " I need to handle this myself and you being involved is going to be harder for me, I realize I have to get out, I'm technically and adult now I just want to make sure everything is together and maybe get my mom to come too." I understood what he was saying I was just scared that he could get hurt again. "I understand." I managed to get it out without him hearing the sadness in my voice. " I want to tell you everything." And so he does, he tells me about his dad first beating his mother then after he stood up for her he started on him and hasn't stopped since. He told me about his dads schedule, goes to sleep when the sun goes down and wakes up about 2am for a drinking and drug one man party and that Finn was the closing act. When he would tell me about the worst beating I could feel him tighten up against me. " I know I'm broken so if you don't want to me with me I understand." I swear sometimes this boy if so clueless to even think I didn't want to me with him not just right now but until the day I die and even after. " Everyone is broken Finn, I want to me with you as long as possible or as long as you want me." He kisses me on my neck and sends a shock up and down my spine. "I'll always want you Rach, ALWAYS." I could feel the seriousness of his voice and he turned me so I could see him face " I love you, Rachel. More than anything in this world." I could have gotten up and danced around him yelling 'Finn Hudson loves me' a million times instead I look him in his eyes and simply say "I love you too Finn, so much."

His lips came crashing into mine, it was passionate and everything I ever thought it could be and I thought 'this is how its suppose to be' soon after his tongue brushed past my lips and was tasting every part of my mouth, I moaned at the sensation, my body was on fire and I was loving every minute of it. We laid back not letting our lips detach, he settled between my legs and started to kiss me down my neck as he sucked so hard to make sure he left his mark he would softly kiss and lick after before moving down to above my breast, I could feel him growing harder and harder against me. He started to pull my shirt off and he stopped and looked at me, I could tell he was silently asking for permission, I nodded and he quickly removed it. His lips met mine again as I felt him reaching behind me to undo my bra. He tossed my bra to the side and started to kiss my neck and then my collar down and as he was moving down to my breast he took one into his hand and teased it as he was licking and sucking softly on the other one. It was so much pleasure I couldn't do anything but say "Finn" over and over again. He slowly stated to move down kissing and licking my stomach when he got to my shorts I lifted up my hips so he could slide them off I could see his expression when he realized I wasn't wearing anything under them. He position himself back between my legs and looked me in my eyes and before kissing me softly said " I love you Rach and I'm going to marry you one day" crashing his lips into mine one more he's hand slid his finger between my folds gently rubbed my bundle of nerves until I let out a moan louder then ever and dug my nails into his back. He slid a finger inside me and for a second I tensed both from fear and from pleasure.

He stopped and looked at me " Are you sure?" I had never been more sure of anything in my life. " Yes Finn, Please!" I could feel him slowly pushing into me as I tried to adjust to him big size he stops before completely filling me "Are you ok baby?" I nod my head not able to speak, he continues to push inside and I could feel the moment my virginity was taken, and a tear ran down my face. This is perfect. He waited until I was okay and started thrusting inside of me, the pain I was feeling was gone and all I felt was indescribable pleasure, hes hand went between us as he found my bud of throbbing nerves and started rubbing it slow at first and started to speed up along with his speed of thrust he pushed inside of me "Cum for me Rach" and like I was following his command this wave of heat love and pleasure ran through me he continued to pump inside me a few more times until he found his own release.

He didn't move, he didn't pull out of me. I think we were thinking the same thing, neither of us wanted to end this connection just yet. Finally he rolled off pulling me on top of him and cover us up with the other blanket. It felt like hours that he set in silence. "Do you trust me Rachel?" I couldn't imagine why after everything he was asking me this." Of course I trust you more then anything Finn." I could hear his heart speed up and I knew whatever was coming next he was nervous about. "Then why won't you tell me your secret, I know you have one I can tell when your sad I can see it in your eyes and I know whatever it is you think about it and it paralyzes you." He knew me better then I thought he did. " You're right, I do.. but Finn? Can we just be US tonight, just you and me and deal with our issues later. Because I don't want this to be over yet, I don't want this night to end with sadness." He nodded and I placed my head back on his chest.

Tonight was perfect it was everything I could ask for.

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**So there is my horrible attempt at smut but I needed them to have sex so they can have that connection, they both needed it honestly..And yes Rachels secret is right around the corner but I really didn't want to make this chapter about hurt I wanted it to be about them coming together.. doesn't get me wrong they have a a lot more to handle but now they will handle it all together..so tell me what your thinking!**

**review**


	6. perfect imperfection

**The moment we have all been waiting for..rachels secret! it's def hard just so you know..i had to do something that would put there issues on the same level. I hope you enjoy it! also I hate Brody.. always have always will and I needed a bad guy sooo yeah lol**

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I've never met someone like Rachel, its amazing how with one look she can send me over the edge. Again, I'm no saint; I've had sex before with a lot of girls. Not as many as Puck, but quite a few, but with Rachel its different. I love watching her melt with my touch, and every since that night I haven't kept my hands off of her. She doesn't mind it a lot of the time she'll text me in the middle of class and tell me to meet her somewhere for a quickie which leads to me missing a whole class period because really, who can only have a quickie with Rachel? Other then the amazing sex, or relationship is amazing also. She doesn't see me as the quarterback, or the abused and broken son. She sees me, Finn Hudson, and she loves him. She strong too, I told her some girls might attack her (some girls can be clingy) but she takes it with pride she says " let them me envious of something they will never have" she's kind of bad ass too.

I've grown to love everything she loves, even the Broadway of it all. Its new, and it's pretty captivating. I told her once she was a mini Barbra Streisand, and after we had the best sex I've ever had. Yep, my girlfriend is the best.

She hasn't pushed me about my dads situation, I'm still under lockdown for the party situation which sucks because I can only go out when the sun sets and my dad is asleep. But I did tell her, after she showed me everything she had researched for me (she's very detailed and organized by the way). I opted out of those solutions I told her I didn't want to get him in trouble and make it the towns scandal I want to get him help, for his addiction and the things he went through in the war. She nodded and agreed with me. She still cries sometimes when I leave her to go home, she always thinks something will happen and ill never come back. I try to reassure her that it would never go that far, but to me honest I'm not 100% sure I believe that.

I want to keep my family together, I want my dad to get better and we live as a family, my mom deserves that I deserve that. But I'm an adult now and once I graduate half the family business is mine, I still want to go to college, but I can run most of it via phone or email. Rachel wants to go to New York, and I don't care where I go to school as long as I get to be with her every day.

My mom and I, haven't talked as much lately. I'm not mad at her I just need time to figure out what im going to do about everything, if my dad decides he doesn't want to change I want her to come with me, if she doesn't I'll feel torn between the two most important women in my life. How can I leave my mom in the hands of my dad? And how can I leave Rachel the love of my life?

Once again, my dad is ruining my life…

* * *

I've grown to love the sun set, it means I'll see Finn soon, ill be complete again. After tonight I'm not sure if I'll ever see him again so tonight im going to take everything in cherish every moment. Sometimes we meet at my house or we meet at our spot depending on what's going on at my house.

_"hey baby, our spot or your house?"_

_"my house, I love you Finn more then anything I hope you know that."_

_"lol yes Rach, I know .. I love you too.. the sun is going down :) im on my way to you"_

_ " Good! Ill see you soon!"_

Finn's been really patient with my secret, I know I can keep it away from him. I guess I was being selfish I wanted to keep how he was making me feel for as long as I could. It feel like hours before he gets to my house although I know it was only 20 minutes or so.

As soon as he get into my room I cant do anything but run and wrap my legs around his waist, before I know it a tear is running down my face. "Whoa, Rach..whats going on baby?" What if I never hear him call me Rach again? I finally unwrap my legs and grab his hand walking us towards the bed, I take a deep breath "Finn? How did you know about Brody?" I ask . "Well I saw him at some party your dad was throwing and my mom made me go with her because my dad was passed out from pills on the floor and she didn't want to go alone..why?" I could tell he was confused by why I was even bringing Brody up. " I need to tell you my secret." His eyes get so big I think they are going to pop out. "Ok Rach, if you think you're ready I'm hear to listen baby." That's what he says before he runs out utterly appalled to be around me." Ok, but I want you to listen to everything before you run away or before you say anything, can you do that for me Finn? Please?" I can't tell whose shaking more, me or him at this point. "Yes I can do that Rach, nothing can make me run away from you.. I love you." I hadn't even spoken and I can feel the tears running down my face.

" My daddy had some financial issues awhile back, he went completely broke. You know how this town is, everyone has their legitimate job but only the 'privileged' had the side jobs just to make sure they stay rich." Its sad really how the people here are, but I knew he understood he nodded and signaled for me to continued. "Well, my dad took action and found a man that was going to help him get back on his feet and put his bank account back to what it was or more, if possible. That's what Brody's dad was good at they went around 'helping' rich people cheat their way to the top. Well anyways..i came home one day from dance when they were all having a meeting , I didn't know so I walked into his office I was completely embarrassed because I was only wearing my dance clothes so I waved and ran out." I knew this was going to be hard but I never thought it was going to be this hard to finally tell someone. " I had no idea that seeing me was going to change their deal, Brody's dad proposed a new offer, they would help and on top of everything my dad was going for them already, Brody wanted me." I could feel his hand tighten around my waist; I knew what he was thinking without him having to say anything. "That night my dad came to my room and told me about the offer I was sure that he had turned it down, but when he looked at me I knew he had agreed. I couldn't do anything but cry and ask him over and over again why he would do that to me. He simply said 'everyone in this family makes sacrifices' he turns to walk again and before he leaves he stops and looks at me and tells me that no matter what he told them he wasn't allowed to take my innocents and that I will do what has to be done but I get to keep my virginity. The next night Brody made his first appearance, the first night would soon become the easiest as time went on he found ways to make sure he was taken care of, I did things that made me want to die. He might not had taken my virginity but Brody did take my innocents ..almost every night. After about 2 months I don't think there was a place on my body he hadn't touched and the only place he hadn't been was inside was between my legs. Time went on and after awhile I didn't even cry anymore after he left I would just get in the shower and wash the shame away. Then one day he didn't come.. and one day led to 3 days and before I knew it, a week had passed. My dad came home one day and told me that Brody had found someone else to make his puppet. When my dad left that night, it was never talked about anymore. Also, that was when my dad got rich again and started to stay away more and more. Now he's never at home and when he is, he doesn't look at me. I don't know if its shame or if it's guilt, but I'm kind of okay with it. I don't know if I hate him Finn, but I know I don't love him like i'm suppose to love a parent." I can tell Finn is crying by now but he's holding me so tight I've never felt so safe in my life. " I think that's why I took your abuse to heart." I didn't know what to say next I had told him everything at this point " I understand Rachel, and if I ever see Brody again, he's dead.. and your father? How could he do that he's suppose to protect you not let some sick fuck touch you that's not fucking right. I swear if he wasn't your dad.." He's pacing around my room by now and I can see the anger flowing from him. I slowly get up and grab his hand, "You Finn Hudson are going to do no such thing, you aren't going to kill Brody because if you do you'll get in trouble and then taken away from me and I cant live without you… unless you think I'm disgusting now and you don't love me anymore in the chase I completely understand." He bends down and slowly takes my lips in his " I could never think that about you Rachel, I will love you forever, our issues don't define our relationship, but Rachel.. are you okay with everything we've been doing..you know..sexually?" I cant believe how amazing this man is. " Finn, you took the only thing that matters you have the best of me and everything we do is special and comes from love, so yes I'm completely okay with it. I know you'll never hurt me."

"I wouldn't even think about hurting you Rachel, I love you so much, thank you for telling me.. I know that had to be hard." I lay down on the bed and pull him text to me. " It was hard, but I didn't want anything between us anything, no more secrets" I snuggle so close to him I can feel his heart beating, it's the best sound in the world sometimes when I need to know he's real and he's mine and he loves me. " I love you too Finn, more then I love anyone in this world." I truly mean that.

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**So what do you guys think? I was kind of nervous by making it soooo darl but hell this is kinda a dark story soo.. anyways thank you guys for the reviews and follows and favs .. it really means the world to me! **

**REVIEW PLEASE AND THANK YOU! im super nervous about this soo please!**


	7. maybe this time

**Sorry it took so long, to make up for it..this is a long chapter.. im thinking it might be like 3-5 more chapters after this! This is mostly Finchel getting some well deserved time together, also its Finns POV twice. Also at the end its kind of hard, we get a little look into Chris' secrets.**

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"Come on."I say giving her my hand to help her up off her bed."Where are we going? I thought tonight we would just stay in bed until you have to go back home?" I can hear the pout in her voice and I know I cant turn around or else I'd be lost in her eyes and we would never make it out of the bed."I have an idea and I told you I wasn't going home I told my dad the football team was having a lock in so after I leave I was just going to cash at Puck's, NOW –get ready baby? I can tell shes hesitate but she starts getting up as I start throwing her clothes in the pink duffle bag she keeps in the back of her closet. "If we're running away im going to need a much bigger bag then that." She says with the laugh that always makes my heart burst, just being with her makes my day better."We're not running away, we have to come back.. graduation and all." I shoot her a wink because I know as im packing her stuff she's slowing getting impatient about where it is we are going."Whatever Finn, im dressed..can you tell me where it is we are going?

"Nope."

"You aren't very nice Finn Hudson. You know I don't like surprises!" she says as she puts her hands on her hips. "Yeah but I like to surprise you, so I guess you have to grow to get use to them." And before she can answer I grab her bag and her hand and lead her out to my car, I hadn't exactly planned this but after a few beautiful rounds of loving each other I knew she deserved much more. Once we're in the car, it's like she forgot about being mad and went into talking about her friends from Glee club and asking me about football. It was comfortable, it's always that way with her. "Do you know Santana? I can't believe we never talked about her, geez what a friend I am." She giggles. " Yeah I know her, Quinn's friends with her too right?" I'm not sure if I said something wrong or she's just thinking really hard but whenever Rachel is quite for too long I start to worry anyways."Quinn..uh-yeah…so you know Quinn?" Oh, yeah I defiantly said the wrong damn thing. "Yeah i-uh-I know Quinn, so are you and Santana really close?" trying to change the subject I hope she doesn't notice and just continue on with her story."

"DON'T try and change the subject Finn!" damnit, guess not. Sighing I simply just tell her something I'm sure she doesn't want to know. "Quinn and I, were kind of this 'thing' for awhile, we never made it public. Mostly because her dad hates my dad and the same goes the other way around."Quinns dad and my dad can barely be in the same room without having to be pulled away from each other, last time they saw each other my dad beat her dad mercifully. It was bad, and very embarrassing." What does a 'thing' mean exactly?" I don't really understand why this is such a big deal, Rachel knows I've been with girls. "Um.. she was my friend with a lot of benefits." Which is completely true, we were friends before anything. Not my fault one day during a banquet she decided to go down on me and well after that messing around became an everyday thing."But Rach, you knew ive been with other girls..it doesn't matter."I add trying to get that very tense face to go away. "Yeah Finn I didn't think it was HER, she's a horrible person.. she is mean and has no remorse for other people's feelings, also how the heck am I suppose to compete with her..she is literally the most beautiful person I have ever seen." I take my eyes off the road to glance at her, and I can tell shes about to cry, so I find her hand and link our fingers together. "_You _Rachel Barbra Berry do not have to compete with anyone when it comes to me, you have me..100%. I am yours, and you're mine." I pull her hands up to my lips and place a lightkiss. " I'm forever yours Finn."

"Hey! That's one of my favorite songs! Do you like Journey?" I say as I start going through the music on my phone. "Of course I like Journey!" she laughs. " Well, Miss Berry would you do me the honor or singing with me?"

"Nothing would make me happier Mr. Hudson."

_"Highway run  
Into the midnight sun  
Wheels go round and round  
You're on my mind"_

As I sing I can feel her grip on my hand become tighter, this is what love is.

**"Restless hearts  
Sleep alone tonight  
Sending all my love  
Along the wire"**

Honestly, it's not a sound in the world that is better then listening to her sing.

**_"They say that the road  
Ain't no place to start a family  
Right down the line  
It's been you and me  
And lovin' a music man  
Ain't always what it's supposed to be  
Oh, girl, you stand by me  
I'm forever yours  
Faithfully"_**

I think we just found our song.

_"Circus life  
Under the big top world  
We all need the clowns  
To make us smile  
Through space and time  
Always another show  
Wondering where I am  
Lost without you"_

**_"And being apart  
Ain't easy on this love affair  
Two strangers learn to fall in love again  
I get the joy of rediscovering you"_**  
_"Oh, girl, you stand by me  
I'm forever yours  
Faithfully"_

**"Whooa, oh-oh-ooh  
Whooa, oh-oh-ooh, oh  
Whooa, oh-oh-oh, oh-whoooooa-oh  
Faithfully  
I'm still yours"**

**_"I'm forever yours  
Ever yours  
Faithfully"_**

" Well that was amazing, I think we just found our song, don't you think Finny?" I knew this was our song, just as much as I know there isn't anyone in this world for me other then her. "Yeah Rach, I think we did."

I don't have a lot of examples of true love, I have movies and sometimes I see older couples out and about and to be together for so long they have to love each other. I might sound vain but I honestly think what me and Finn share is different, a lot of people experience love, not a lot of people experience true love. That is what separates us from the majority of people. It's the best feeling in the world and I wouldn't change a thing about it.

**Now Leaving Lima **

"Ok Finn we just left Lima, can you tell me where it is we are going?" To be honest, I don't care where we are going as long as I'm with her I could care less. " Fine, I'll tell you but only because I love you so much, a few towns over they are having this huge fair and I think we should stay the weekend and maybe get a hotel and for once, it just be us." I don't know if its possible but I think I just fell in love with him more. " That..is the best idea I think I've ever heard of."

We drive for awhile just talking and holding hands, I don't know if he wants his hand back but ever since we sang together I feel like I can't let it go. I might have also dozed off a little but it's not like its early I'd be sleep by now.

"We're here Rach. Wake up baby!" I could get use to waking up to his voice. "Finn we can not stay here! It's going to be way too expensive." Looking up at the hotel that looks like it's going all the way up to the sky. I hear his laugh and I whip my head around to look at him "There are some perks to having the last name Hudson." He takes my hand and guides me inside, which is even more beautiful then I could even imagine. My family has money, so I've stayed at a lot of nice hotels, we just don't have Hudson money. " Hello Mister Hudson, havent seen you in awhile..normal room?" the front desk attendant ask. "No, I need a upgrade this weekend isn't just me this time." He gets the keys and we head to the room. "You ready?" he ask before opening up the door, I nod and push the door open. "This is beautiful." It truly was. "I've seen better." He says, I turn to look at him and he's staring at me with a smile on his face. I don't know what comes over me but before I know it I'm jumping on him and wrapping my legs around his waist. "I love you" I whisper. " I love you more." I push my lips into his and a small moan escapes from me. He walks over to the bed and lowers me down before and positions himself between my legs, I lean up so he can slide the dress over my head. "You're more the special Rachel, you're everything to me." I pull him down to my lips and kiss them with more passion then before, "You sure you're not just saying that because im laying her naked?" I laugh, "No, but it's a plus." He says with a smirk. And with that, we went off loving each other with more passion and heat that has ever been between us. The harder he loved me the louder I screamed, my legs shook uncontrollably and our sweat mixed together after hours of being connected. When we were done, he rolled to my side and pulled me to him. "I could get used to falling asleep like this." He whispers. I nod to agree and whisper " I hope so, because I'm not going anywhere."

"Ready for the best day ever!" I hear as I try to open my eyes, "It's going to be epic Rachel" He is way to excited about this and I don't even know if I'm going to be able to walk my legs feel like jell-o. "Finn! Stop being so loud and my legs are still jelly I don't know if I can even walk.

He starts laughing hysterically and I don't know if I should be offended or not.

"Finn this isnt funny this feeling has never lasted this long, I think you broke me." At this point he's laughing so hard he's fallen to the floor."Aww baby I'm sorry, want me to help you?" he finally gets out without laughing. "No Finn I don't want your help, ever again." Walking over to the bed, he climbs in and starts to rub my thighs. "This is how I got like this in the first pla-c-ce" as he moves his hand up higher that he's sliding his fingers along my already wet folds."I know lucky for you I think it's the cure also." He moved on top of me and slowly pushes himself inside. " I –I don't think its working my legs are feeling weaker" I say as he slowy starts to move inside me. " Well.. what about when I do this…" he says as he pulls out and turns me over holding me around my stomach lifting me to my knees and slamming into me. I scream louder then I ever have and my body goes limp, he pulls me back up using his other hand to still himself against the headboard. "do you need a moment baby? He softly says as I feel his breath on my neck "No , please keep goin-" and before I finish he slamming into me again and again until it all becomes too much and we both fall over the edge as I yell his name and he hits the wall and screams "FUCK!" We lay for awhile just trying to collect ourselves. I start walking into the bathroom to shower before I close the door I hear him say " I told you it was the cure." He shoots me a wink. "Shut up!" even when he's being an ass, he's adorable.

We finally get to the fair and he tells me that I have to ride the biggest ride first and the Ferris Wheel last, he wins me almost every stuffed animal I wasn't and we share a funnel cake, and then he gets 3 hot dogs and almost swallows them whole. "Today has been amazing I wish it didn't have to end." I smile and lean in and kiss him on the cheek. "Well we have tonight and the morning tomorrow, our great day doesn't have to end." We ride a few more until its late and were one of the few people left, he stops me so im facing him before we get to the car " I'm going to marry you one day Rach." He kisses me deeply before pulling away " I'm counting on it baby." I say before quickly kissing him again. When we get back to our room, we show each other just how much we mean it.

"Tomorrow night im going to be in a bed without you, I really don't like that idea.. this trip has spoiled me." It has, I don't know what I was doing until I met Finn, but I know it wasn't living. I know that I want to wake up with his arm around me and go to sleep the same way. When I'm with him I don't have a horrible past I don't wake up screaming for Brody to stop touching me. I sleep blissfully and calm and it's the best thing to happen to me. I don't want to go months without him sleeping next to me. "I know baby but maybe after school is out we can. I mean if you want to- move in together?" the smile on my face pretty much answers his question but I still nod my head " Yes Finn I would love too." The deal is sealed with a kiss.

We decided to stay in bed all morning and order room service and watch movies, he says he was to tired from the day before but I think we both knew neither of us wanted to be apart and just wanted to be together in every way possible as much as we could.

When check out came, it was the worst feeling I've had in awhile. I know we are just going home but I don't want to be without him anymore.

The ride home was quick I think mostly because I kept falling asleep, I had the best time of my life but it doesn't mean he didn't wear me out. When we pull up to my house I couldn't help but shed a few tears "I'm sorry I shouldn't be crying it's not like I'm not going to see you tomorrow but I just didn't know has fast a weekend can go, or how happy I could be with being around you all the time. Now I have to go inside a house with no one.. it just sucks and I suck because I'm ruining our amazing weekend by crying and being overly dramatic ." He laughed a little but I could hear the sadness in his words. " You wouldn't be Rachel if you weren't overly dramatic, and no baby you didn't ruin anything, do you think I want to go into my house and be there when I know what it's like to be with you at night? But this is what we have right now, and when school is done.. we'll have each other for ever.. you cant get rid of me if you tried Miss Berry." He always knows what to say to get me to calm down. "I'll never try, goodnight Finn, I love you!"

"I love you too baby." And with that I got out the car while I still have the courage to leave, I walk to my door and wave that its safe for him to leave. When I make it to my bed after unpacking and sending Finn a goodnight text just reinforcing how much I love him. I cant do anything but sit there and say to myself " something doesn't feel right."

My head is racing after dropping Rachel off, I don't know how I stayed so composed when she was leaving. I sit outside my house for awhile just thinking about how this weekend was amazing how my life with her can only get better.

A light is on in the living room, but I'm guessing it's my mom. I'm kind of glad for that I think that it's time I talk to her about getting my dad some help. I've thought about it a lot and I think that maybe if we catch him before his late night one person party then we might be able to reason with him. "Mom!" I call as I walk into the study, not sure why she would be in there this late. "Mom! I'm home, I wanted to-" my heart drops to my stomach and my breathing becomes a challenge. "Dad. Um- what are you doing up? I thought you hated being up after the sun set atleast until around 2am?" a smirk pulls at the corners of his lips. "Well son, I tried to call you this weekend and couldn't reach you." I look down to see he must have already started his party I see shot glasses, 3 bottles of whiskey, and small bags of a white powder I rather not think about what it could be." I called Noah and he said you couldn't come to the phone because you were in the bathroom because during the lock in you guys got a little wild and now you were paying the price with your head in the toilet." Damn it Puck, couldn't think of anything better then telling my dad I got drunk at a football funtion. I started to prepare myself for what was going to come, but instead he tells me to sit. I listen becoming more confused and scared as the moments pass. "Chris!" I whip my head around and see my mother standing there with her hand over her mouth. "Please just leave him alone, hes a teenager that's what they do. We use too remember?" I can tell that whatever he has planned she knows about and doesn't like it at all.

"Yes I remember and I also remember making the dumb decision to fight for the country and in return I got to see every friend I had get killed and me getting away barely breathing, so if I have to show MY SON some tough love that's what I'm going to do." I don't know the whole story about my father but that's the most I've ever heard. "He wants to party Carole, that's what we're going to do. Now… GET THE FUCK OUT!" I jump from his yelling and see my mother turn and walk away crying. I look back at him and he's empting the powder onto the table and making it into lines. He hands me a shot glass full of whiskey and smiles " You like to party? Well lets make you a pro then huh?" I stare at him for a minute to see if maybe it was joke, he gestures for me to take it and I do. It burns my throat as it goes down and I'm sure that its going to come up soon. He then passes the shot glass to me again full with whiskey . About 5 shots in I can feel my face go numb, and all I can think is _god I hope I get through this, if not just for me, for her. I cant leave her. I'm so sorry Rachel._ I pull myself out of my thoughts as I hear his say, "Ready to do your first line?" I can feel the tears start down my face. No matter what happens to me I know that I had the best weekend of my life and it was completely worth it to see her so happy.

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**yeah the end was hard for me to write, but stick with me I know it hard dealing with this stuff but at the end its going to be a really good ending. I promise.. a little more pain to come just so you know but again HAPPY ENDING! **

**Review review review! please and let me know what your thinking! :) thank you**


	8. when being alive fails

**this was by far the HARDEST chapter ive had to write.. but it was needed.. Im sorry in advance..just stick with me because as promised HAPPY ENDING I swear!**

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_One Month Later…_

"Why are you sweating Finn?" Fuck! She wasn't supposed to notice that, "Nothing just –uh… I get nervous around you." I know why I'm sweating, but I can't tell her I don't think she would judge me but I'm pretty sure the dislike she has for my dad would quickly turn to hate. To be honest, I'm starting to hate him. "Oh, I could never make you nervous." She leans in a kisses me. She turns back to finish the movie, that I haven't been paying attention too at all.

It feels like my skin is crawling, "I have to go Rach!" I stand up grabbing my jacket. "I love you." For the last month every time I tell her that I wonder if it'll be the last. "I love you too Finn!" she calls after me. I just have to get to my house and get in my bed. Its 10:39; and I know he'll be coming to my room at 2am dragging me for what he likes to call 'our new bonding' time. After the first night I thought it was over and he had taught me a lesson I would never forget. That was until he came and woke me up the night after that and the night after that, a week ago when he came in my room I fought back I've never done that before. I pushed him off of me and told him to get out my room, it felt good. He walked out and almost instantly I heard my mother scream, its been years since hes' put his hands on her, but it worse when I know the reason he's doing it is because of me.

This week is when the sweating and shaking came, I know it's withdraw and at this point I don't even know what to do anymore. I'm trying to hold on to my life just as much as he's trying to rip it away from me. I still meet with Rachel after he goes to sleep and always try to make it home by 11 so I can sleep until he comes and gets me. I'm sure a few people have notice the condition I'm in when I get to school, but as long as I can throw the damn ball no one care. I tell Rachel I'm stressed I don't know if she believes me or not either way she isn't pushing the issue.

"Time to get up! I know you want to as much as your shaking your body needs it too." I can hear my dad laughing as he walks down the hall. I hate him, I really do. I don't know if I can stop at this point though and before I even have time to think about I'm sitting in his study separating the white powder I've grown to crave, I hate it more then I hate my father. In a way it controls me, he passes me a shot and before he takes it he smiles and says "Lets test your tolerance tonight." I didn't even have time to comprehend what he said before I inhaled two lines and downed my shot. And almost like a ritual I put my head down and whisper to myself hoping maybe she can feel it _im so sorry Rach_.

"Something isn't right dad… Dad! Something isn't right with me." I can feel it, its like my body is being drained or all the oxygen, "MOM! " I know she's up, she stays up every night since this started. "God son stop being so dramatic." Nope, scratch that I loathe him, his very existence is disgusting to me. Who does this to their son? _Maybe it's my fault I should have just ran and let my mom handle it.. No I couldn't do that. Why not? She sits and watches me go through hell and doesn't do shit!_ I can't move, that's never happened before. _Yes! There is my mom, wait why is she running? And crying and moving so much? _

"CHRIS! CALL 911 HE'S HAVING A SEIZSURE!"

_I'm dying, I let my dad control my life so much that it literally killed me_. "Stay with me Finn , please keep your eyes open." I hear my mom say and to be honest I don't know how my eyes are open. "Did he stop? Is he ok? My dad comes running in saying , repeating it back to the 911 operator.

_I'll never see her in New York, I won't get to watch her become everything she wants to become. She'll grow old and I won't be here to hold her hand._

"Ra-a-chel" I finally push out and see my moms eyes gloss over with tears, "I'll get her Finn, I promise."

I don't know if I was holding on just to make sure my mom went to Rachel or I just ran out of time but my heart slows down even more and my eyes slam shut.

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"Hello" I look over at my clock, who is calling me this late.

"Is this Rachel?"

"Yes..who is this?"

"This is Carole..Carole Hudson." Why is his mother calling me? It's happened hasn't it? His dad has beaten him to death.

"What happened Carole..di-did Chris –" I don't get a chance to finish.

"Please Rachel just come to the hospital I have to go I have something to do for my son." And like that she was gone and I was throwing on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt that smells exactly like Finn. I'm not 100% sure how many red lights I ran or the speed I was going. I know when I got to the hospital I was shaking dangerously and my breathing was labored. _This isn't real, Finn has to be fine._ I ask the first person I see and they point me in the direction to Finns room. I see his mother standing outside walking back and forth reading a pamphlet, _yes Carole now is the perfect time to catch up on some reading. _ I wouldn't say I hate his mother, but she's just as bad as his dad and my dad. She sits and watches and lets Finn take everything that is throw his way. "CAROLE! DO YOU MIND TELLING ME WHATS GOING ON!" I didn't mean for it to come out like that, she takes my hand and sits me down. "Finn has experienced an overdose, his brain might have gone a while without oxygen, I did CPR when he passed out so they don't know if he has brain damage or not. But right now, he's not waking up.. they gave him medication to counteract the drugs and pumped his stomach of everything else." I don't understand what she's talking about Finn doesn't do drugs, he hates that his sorry excuse of a father does them, and I tell her as much too. She sighs "Chris started this about a month ago, Finn fought back but Chris did the only thing he knew would make his comply to his every wish, he turned to using me. Somewhere in this Finns body started to depend on it." Before I could say anything a man in a suit comes "Mrs. Hudson, we're ready for you." She looks at me and smiles "I'm finally going to do what I should have done years ago, I'm going to take care of me and my son.. and the only way to do that, is to get Chris out of our lives." I don't know if im mad or happy, I mean it took Finn almost dying for her stand up for him. She stops half way down the hall and looks at me " Your name was the last thing he said, no matter what happens ..Finns loves you Rachel."

I walk into his room and see his plugged up to a million different medicine pumps and a patch on his head connected to a machine to monitor his brainwave activity. I walk over and kiss him softly on the lips and tell him I love him. I put my purse down and walk to the bench/bed that has covers and pillows on it. I make it to resemble a bed and lay down and curl into a ball. As if I my body was simply waiting, I start to cry harder then I ever have in my life.

Finn can't do this to me, he has to wake up.

If he doesn't I don't want to be here without him.

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**Again I am sorry, but I thought that was a great way for Carole to step up and handle Chris like she should have been doing! Also next chapters are going to be in Rachels pov only.. this story have kind of taking my head over!**

**Review please! **

**REVIEWs they make me happy :) :)**

**Also I never do a disclaimer. so Glee def isn't mine.. wish it was though. **

**If your reading my other fic! im so sorry im going to try and get back to it. again this story is going crazy in my brain.**

**AGAIN REVIEW**


	9. burn with you

**Hey guys! just a warning this is just a chapter of Rachels POV for obvious reasons, not a lot happens I just want you guys to get a insight of how shes feeling about everything next chapter is going to be a bigger one. hope you guys are still with me on this! :) PS: I love you guys for reviews and following, Other story should be updated soon.**

**After my first story is updated I might start a new story ive been thinking about so keep a look out for that one..**

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Its been 3 days, the longest 3 days of my life. He doesn't move, I don't hear his voice or his laugh. He cant wrap me in his big arms and kiss me slowly. He just lays there.

His father was taken into custody the next day, he didn't put up a fight, he just told me to tell Finn how sorry he was.. doesn't make a difference how sorry he is, he's walking and talking and Finn isn't. I sometimes catch myself in day dreaming about our time together and how I would do anything to get my Finn back, its a bitter sweet memory when I'm brought back into reality. Carole comes and goes, she has a lot of court things surrounding the case against Chris, so I understand that she cant be there as much as I am. We talk some, but she mostly holds his hand and cries, I sometimes hear what she's saying to him and it's hard to hear her talk like he's gone forever. I know Finn will come back to us, I will wait for him forever if I have too.

When school let back in, Puck was the first person to find me. I ended up telling him everything because with Chris in jail, this was going to end up on front of every newspaper and the top story on every news channel. Saying Puck was livid is a understatement, by 4th period he was dragging me out the school and to his car saying that he needs to see Finn now and it cant wait until the end of the day. I take him, when he gets there Carole is there…

"So you let this happen and now you're here holding his hand? Where the fuck were you when he needed you in the first place?" He spits at Carole. "Noah, its a lot more-" Carole tries to defend herself but Puck wont give her a chance. "I don't want to hear it, my boy is laying up in a damn coma because you were to afraid to stand up for him and he was too much of a good guy to let his piece of shit dad beat on his piece of shit mom, GET OUT!"

"Puck." I grab his arm and try to calm him down, "It's not worth it, hes going to wake up and he's going to want to see his mother, we BOTH know that." I could feel him calm under my touch and I take my hand away. Carole slowly stands and whispers "Ill give you guys some time." And with that she was out the door and we were left with our thoughts and Finn. "What do I do?"Puck asked me and I could hear his fight to not cry, "I usually sing or tell him of a memory we have together. I feel like he can hear me." I can feel the tears start to fall from my eyes, as I grab his hand and hold it to my face I start to sing I've sang every day since he got here

_And I'd give up forever to touch you  
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow  
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
And I don't want to go home right now  
And all I can taste is this moment  
And all I can breathe is your life  
'Cause sooner or later it's over  
I just don't want to miss you tonight_

_And I don't want the world to see me  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am_

_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming  
Or the moment of truth in your lies  
When everything feels like the movies  
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive_

_And I don't want the world to see me  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am_

_And I don't want the world to see me  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am_

_And I don't want the world to see me  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am  
I just want you to know who I am  
I just want you to know who I am  
I just want you to know who I am_

By the end, I wanted nothing more than him to get up and hold me I don't know what came over me the anger I had been feeling since I found out his secret I couldn't hold it in anymore, he promised me he would never leave me and here he was leaving me and it wasn't fair. Finn was better then what life has been giving him. I lost control.."Get up Finn, I know you can hear me.. because I can feel you even when I'm not around you, GET UP FINN!" Puck comes over and wraps his arms around me, I can feel it but it doesn't matter because he isn't Finn. "YOU PROMISED ME YOU WOULD NEVER LEAVE ME! I NEED YOU FINN" the cries are loud enough to bring the nurses in, I know they are looking at me with the pity in their eyes but I need him to hear me. I know they don't understand but I can feel him and I can feel him fighting to come back to me. "_Please Finn."_ Is the only thing I can get out between my cries. I feel my legs start to give out and Puck catches me, and picks me up and starts to walk out of his room into the hall, my eyes start to close and I just wish in my head this was all over.

I wake up and I look around and see I'm back in the hospital, I look over and see Puck sitting next to Finn and talking. "I brought you back here, I figured you would want to stay here. From the look around you stay here all night, everynight." He says but he doesn't take his eyes off Finn." He's going to wake up Rachel, I know him.. if he told you he wouldn't leave you, he'll come back to you." I can tell he's been crying but I figured it would be better not to mention it." I know Noah ( I feel like now is not the time to be using ridiculous nicknames) he's been through a lot, he's a fighter." I walk over and take Finns other hand in mine, just feeling his hand in mine sends a shock up my spine, he's still in there."Carole came by again, Chris isn't going to fight it…they are just waiting to-"

"To see if he pulls through" I say completing his sentence for him."Yeah, I guess." We sit like that for awhile not saying anything just all of our attention on him, when he finally breaks the silence. "He loves you, more then anyone in his life." I nod my head to acknowledge him. "Do you remember when we were 10 and you got your growth spurt?" I can tell he's talking to Finn now, and I cant help but think about the times they spent together. " And finally we could get on the rides at the fair, so we woke up one day before they even opened and spent the day riding every ride atleast 5 times and eating everything we could get with the money we had saved from our dog walking job during the summer and at the end we threw up everything." He says with a quite laugh. "You know dude, knowing all of this..doesn't change anything, you're still my bro..I still love you and trust you. But seriously when you wake up I'm going to soak you with a parade of slushies." We both share a little giggle, I can tell he's trying to make light of our current situation.

We talk to him for a few more hours, I start to fall back to sleep so I lean up to kiss him, when I pull away. I see his eyes flicker. "Noah! Did you see that? His eyes flickered!" I try to say without screaming, if Finn is waking up I don't want to scare him. "Don't mess with me Berry, I didn't see anything!" I don't know when we started to call each other by these nicknames but I feel like we've become good friends and I know that Finn will be excited by that. I lean in to him and start to talk to him, like I do every night.

His eyes shoot open," NOAH!" he runs and gets the nurse, who comes rushing in, I step back but I can see his beautiful amber eyes starting up at the ceiling. She evaluates him, walks out and come in with a doctor in toe.

"This could be a very good sign, we rate the severity of coma in a scale called the _The Glasgow Scale_ it assess is ability to open his eyes, speak and to move. It seems he's moved to a level 3 on eyes, he's responding to your voice, it's a great progress. "He pauses and looks at the nurse. "But I must warn you, sometimes this is also I sign that he might get worse, we will monitor him and hope for the best but I want to be truthful with you."

Finn closes his eyes, the doctor walks out. Noah and I do nothing, what is there to do? We sit back down and grab his hands without saying a word I start to sing and he joins in:

_I've heard there was a secret chord  
That David played, and it pleased the Lord  
But you don't really care for music, do you?  
It goes like this  
The fourth, the fifth  
The minor fall, the major lift  
The baffled king composing Hallelujah_

Noah begins to cry, without words we both know how we are feeling.. we finish the song with our emotions at its peak.

_Hallelujah, Hallelujah  
Hallelujah, Hallelujah_

Your faith was strong but you needed proof  
You saw her bathing on the roof  
Her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you  
She tied you to a kitchen chair  
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair  
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah  
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Baby I have been here before  
I know this room, I've walked this floor  
I used to live alone before I knew you.  
I've seen your flag on the marble arch  
Love is not a victory march  
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah  
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

There was a time when you let me know  
What's really going on below  
But now you never show it to me, do you?  
And remember when I moved in you  
The holy dove was moving too  
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah  
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Maybe there's a God above  
But all I've ever learned from love  
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you  
It's not a cry you can hear at night  
It's not somebody who has seen the light  
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah  
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

You say I took the name in vain  
I don't even know the name  
But if I did, well, really, what's it to you?  
There's a blaze of light in every word  
It doesn't matter which you heard  
The holy or the broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah  
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

I did my best, it wasn't much  
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch  
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you  
And even though it all went wrong  
I'll stand before the Lord of Song  
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah  
Hallelujah, Hallelujah  
Hallelujah, Hallelujah  
Hallelujah, Hallelujah  
Hallelujah, Hallelujah  
Hallelujah, Hallelujah  
Hallelujah, Hallelujah  
Hallelujah, Hallelujah  
Hallelujah

I look up to find that he has opened his eyes again, now I don't know if I can get excited about it not until we know more.

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**Disclaimer: Glee, isn't mine..Iris and Hallelujah are amazing songs but again not mine!**

**Soo..what do you guys think? I like that Chris isn't going to fight it, I feel like we've had enough drama no need for legal drama too. lol but hes still going to be here.**

**So REVIEW! **

**If you think of way that you might want to see this story go let me know also.. I have an idea but always open to yours!**

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	10. its levels to this

**Ok so I decided we needed this chapter, give more detail of the scaling system .. and how everything is changing around him.**

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Its like being unconscious after being knocked around a few times, I can sometimes hear and sometimes I even get flashes of what's going on around me. Then the damn darkness comes and I hate it, it scares the shit out of me because I can't move, hear or let them know I'm still here. I'm starting to think I'm not going to ever be able to take control of this. When I pop back into reality I can always hear Rachel, she's either talking or singing, sometimes she's crying and I want to be able to tell her that I'm fighting because it's no way in hell I'm leaving her.

What I'm most afraid of is me losing a sense of reality, maybe I'm dead and this is where you go after? No matter how hard I fight to control my body or even my mind I lose, I'm losing a battle within myself and if it wasn't for her voice I would have just let go along time ago. I just don't see where things are fair, I've been fighting for my life since I was 7 years old what could happen if I just relaxed for a minute. I'll never leave her but I'm so damn tired.

Ok Finn, you rest for a second no longer and then you come back and fight until you take control and go back to your girl. It's settled...

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"I don't understand what's happening? CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TALK TO ME?!" He's been doing so good, I don't understand why everything just went off and everyone started to yell "Code Blue" but that's not true, he's fine.. He has to be.

I call his mom and Noah, he'd just left so he got back in record time, I told him what happened and how they wont tell me anything and everyone is just running and the doors are shut and they even have the blinds closed so I cant even peak in. When his mom arrives she doesn't even bother to talk to anyone she rushes into the room and when they try to hold her back she tells them she's not going anywhere, they comply and shut the door behind her. "I just don't understand what went wrong Noah, I was singing and telling him goodnight like I always do and then it was just nothing, all the lines went flat." I don't know if he can even understand me at this point I'm crying so hysterically but I don't care. " I can't lose him Noah, I just can't." He doesn't say anything, I know it's because it's nothing to say and he's crying right along besides me.

It's nothing we can do but wait, people finally stop running and things start to slow down. "Rachel." I look up to see Carole standing there with a small smile on her face, it reminds me so much of Finns I almost cant stand it." I-Is h-he.." I can't say the word, I hope more then anything she doesn't say it either. "He's alive, they don't know what happened but it was almost like he just stopped- um… being here with us for awhile and after awhile they were able to bring him back. Brain activity is fine, heart if strong, blood pressure is regular.. he's opening his eyes just as much as before. It's really like he just took a break and came back." She says with a nervous laugh."Can I go see him Carole?" I don't know what they hospital rules are after something like that happens. "Honey, you can always go see him, as much as you have done for him and given up your free time to be here with him when I can't and even when I am here you don't leave, you never have to ask to go in, ok?" I couldn't help but get up and hug her, she might have messed up when it came to Finn and in the past but for the past 5 days she has done everything in her power to make sure Finn gets help and Chris gets help with his PTSD and some jail time along with it.

Yesterday they came and talked to her about possible rehab for Finn, she didn't make a decision she said it would be up to him but I'm not sure how to handle something like this so I can't go against it and say it was wrong. Finn's life has changed so much and he doesn't even know it, when his dad got put away everything automatically went to his name, he's been running a business for the past week and has no idea. I hate that because I don't know if that is what he wanted or not. His mom stepped up and started making decisions dealing with the company until he is able to.

Walking into his room seems like nothing has changed, his eyes are open and a few doctors are standing and writing notes about what just happened, I've seen them all before. Before they walk out they turn and tell me how strong he is and how lucky he is to have me. I can see how people make that assumption that it's Finn that is lucky, but its me to have someone like Finn in my life and to love me. I don't say anything I just kiss his cheek and whisper "I love you." I grab my PJs and walk into the bathroom and start to get ready to go to sleep. When I walk out his eyes are open again and I decided that instead of sleeping on the guest bed/couch, I'm going to sleep next to the love of my life. I grab my phone and text Noah and let him know Finn is doing good and I'm going to sleep.

Noah has been a lot of help he comes and brings food or anything else I need, he send me back a quick "goodnight berry" text and I stand to walk over to Finns bed.

I get in and ask him what he wants me to sing, I decide on "Faithfully" it only seems right. When I'm done I open the book I checked out of the library on _The Glasgow Scale _without them even having to tell me I know each level Finn is on :Eye opening he's moved to level 4, which means its spontaneous. Verbal he's a level 3, we discovered that after he kept saying the "S-H" word the other day, inappropriate words, Check! The motor skills is the hard one to decide since his body is also going through withdraws and has involuntary moments due to that. I read until my eyes are crying to be shut.

"Goodnight Finn, I love you and tomorrow I'm going to Redbox and check us out a few movies and tomorrow its going to be the best date ever! I promise…I wish I knew you could hear me." I take his hand in mine and look into his eyes before one last kiss for tonight.

" Bu-u-t yo-oo-u st-oop Lo-ve"

I jump out of his bed and run to tell his nurse he just moved up to level 4, when I come back with her with me he's laying there with his eyes closed but his mouth moving.

"F-ig-gg-ht mo-ooooo-re"

I cant help but smile of course " But you stop love" and Fight more" doesn't make any sense but it means that part of him is trying to break though, confused conversation, level 4 has to be my favorite so far. I get back in position next to him and listen to him struggle to say random words that make no sense until I start to fall asleep, he's coming back to me.. I knew he'd never break his promise.

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**So.. Finn had a little to say this chapter its said that some people are just trapped when they are in a coma and with him being knocked out so much from abuse I figured he would see the two like they are the same, I hope you guys get that he's talking like that because his head is so scrambled the words are coming out slow and incorrect. but I love me some finchel and I needed them to feel that connection.. **

**Disclaimer. nothing is mine but the storyline.**

**REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW:) because I appreciate you!**


	11. listen to me only

**Surprise! lol I didn't even know I was going to write today and I set down and this came out! Thanks everyone that is still reading and reviewing they mean a lot to me! also I wanted a light chapter so we could smile :)**

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I don't know how long its been , but I can feel myself getting stronger, I don't have control per say but I can say things. When I talk, in my head they sound amazing but by the responses I get they must not understand me. My eyes stay open longer and move sometimes it gives me enough time to see her and see her smile before they shut again and I'm sitting in darkness. My limbs move, I don't tell them too but sometimes I can feel them flopping around, its annoying because I can tell it makes everyone tense around me. Talking to myself has gotten really old, really fast. I just need something I can grab on to and I know I can push hard enough to wake up.

The last time I felt like I had enough strength was one night when my eyes were open and I was "talking" and Rachel was sitting with me and singing and she leaned in and kissed me. I think I would have been able to keep pushing if the nurse hadn't walked in and Rachel pulled away. I wish they would just listen to me, I mean I'm sure my words aren't amazing but I know that if they listen instead of just being happy that I'm talking they would understand what I'm trying to say I NEED them to understand me.

…I need to know where my dad is, no one has talked about him nor has he came to visit me. Well, unless it was when I wasn't actually here. But I've been in tuned with reality a lot more and I still haven't heard him or seen him when given the chance.

"Da-aaaaaaaa-ddd" Ok I know that had to come out clear I've been working on that for what seems like hours. Ugh! they never answer me when I talk! I'm try not to let myself think about the emotional darkness that hangs over me, I heard someone come in and talk to my mom about rehab, I don't know how I feel about it. I think I need it, but then again I'm not prepared to admit that I let him drag me down as far as someone can go, that I'm not strong enough to stand up against someone that obviously didn't have my best intentions in mind.

To be honest, I just really want my mom to be ok… And if I don't make it out I just want Rachel to be ok and live the life she was suppose to have until she met me. I haven't done anything but brought her drama and for that I'll spend the rest of my life apologizing to her if I wake up.

Hmmm.. it must be night time, Rachel always sings to me at night, when it's just us. This would be a perfect time for my eyes to pop open, of course they are now glued shut

"_Because all of me…loves all of you.." _ I'm glad she's singing that song tonight, I missed hearing it, and it's a song that describes how I feel about her. I love her more then words or even a song can say truly how I feel about Rachel, she's everything I need in this world. I'd give everything up, the money, the houses, the cars. I'd be broke and homeless if she was next to me.

Damnit Hudson! It's been long enough, it's time to go home just push through this and hold on to the feel of her lips on mine and push until you are with her and kissing her back like she deserves…

Go home Hudson.. Go fuckin' home..

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"_Go Home Hudson"_

Wait… did he actually say a real phrase, one that actually makes sense. I pull my lips from his "_Damnit"_

"Finn? Are you awake?"

"_I've been awake just no one can –wait..Rachel can you hear me?" _He's back, he's talking really low and extremely sluggish. But he's back..it's over. "I can hear you Finn, open your eyes." And just like he was sleeping, he slowly opened his eyes and looked directly at me, with love and passion. Not the blank soulless eyes I've been staring into hoping to pull him back for the past 2 weeks,_ two weeks. "_Finn. Don't move I'm going to get your nurse, don't talk either don't do anything.. but you know stay awake.. don't go back into.. ya know.. just stay still and-" I realized I was rambling so I stopped and ran and got the nurse.

"He's up" Her eyes got bigger the saucers and she ran past me in a blur. When I got back into the room, I could see her on the hospital phone calling someone while taking Finns vitals. "Mr. Hudson, I'm going to ask you a series of questions and just answer them as best as you can." She gets half way through and I can she a smile pull at her lips and I figured it must be good so I stepped out to inform everyone. I call his mom and she didn't say anything other then "I'm coming" and hung up. Noah didn't even do as much he just hung up and I figured that meant he was coming.

Walking back to his room, I could hear people talk, "The boy in room 1128 woke up, I mean 2 weeks in a coma. I thought he was a goner." I push that aside, if they knew Finn Hudson, they would know that he would never stop fighting and would be pissed they had even doubted him. I see people gathered around his room when I get near and I can tell he must be doing amazing because I can hear people laughing and his voice, _Oh his voice_. I take off running until I'm pushing through the crowd of people. When I stopped I was standing in front of the bed, watching him trying to talk his doctor into letting him have a hamburger instead of the soup that was placed in front of him.

" Ok I'll even settle for a veggie burger, and that shows the desperation I am in Dr. Stevens." I couldn't do anything but laugh and when I did, he turned his head toward me and we instantly locked eyes, I don't know where everyone in the room went or even if they stayed but it felt like it was just us. He reached his hand out to me and I slowly started to walk towards him, placing my hand in his sent the same shock up my spine that has happened since I first touched him. It's magicial, its love…Its _Finn_. I didn't know I was crying until he lifted his other hand, it was slow but he wiped my tear away. Only then did I realized people were still in the room when I heard the nurse say "Ok guys lets give them some time alone." When everyone was out, he didn't say anything he just slid over and patted his bed for me to get in besides him. I did as he wished.. we laid in silence until I finally broke it.

"You came home."

"I came home."

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**So what do you guys think?**

**review reviews are EVERYTHING! thank you guys**

**HES UP! yay!**


	12. the sun is out

**Thank you for the reviews and everything guys I don't know how to explain how much they mean to me! So here is another chapter. I did want to ask you guys.. I was thinking or either making a sequel to this story or I was always thinking about writing a supernatural story because I'm in love with that lol..so leave me a review and let me know!**

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You cheater! You're a unforgiveable cheater!"

"No way Huddy, I won fair and square, not my fault you let me kill your ass that many times." Puck laughed, "Yeah whatever you say..cheater" He's been coming by every day ,I made him and Rachel promise to alternate time so they both get sleep in a actually bed and homework and still have a social life. It's been about 2 weeks since I woke up. I had to do physical therapy, and occupational since my fine motor skills had fallen behind a bit.

It took me about 2 hours of arguing to get Rachel to let other people other than her take care of me, it was mostly her yelling, I nodded off a little and she threw a pillow at me somewhere in between it all. Tears started to run down her face when she tried to convince me that no one else can take care of me because they don't know what I like, I simply told her ' I can tell them Rach' and finally she gave up, Her and Puck decided that she would take the night and morning shift and after school he came over. When my mom wasn't dealing with the company and court things she would come and Puck would go home saying "we needed alone time" but im well aware of his feelings towards my mother. Luckily he doesn't show and she understands so she doesn't hold it against him. I've heard a little about what happened with my dad, for the most part the big charge against him is, Attempted Murder, I think it's a little harsh, I mean I hate the guy but I think he needs to be somewhere that is going to help him. I don't voice my opinion on the matter I just nod my head whenever someone comes and gives me the latest update.

My shakes have gotten better, one thing I can say with the utmost seriousness, withdraw is the worst feeling in the world, they said I went through the worst part when I was in a coma and now I'm having withdraw for the medication that gave me while I was under. I can see the worry in everyones face, they know I'm not the same Finn they knew before, I know it too, I can feel it. Every time I think about giving in into the undying crave I have I think about what I would be losing. Moments like that I don't miss my father I don't wish him the best I just wish he never existed. Rachel could tell I was having hard time, I'm really starting to think she can read my mind at this point. She found out that it's a rehab inside the hospital and its 30 days, I could finish my school work and be out in enough time to walk.

I didn't know what I needed but she did, and the look in her eyes I knew I couldn't let her down so I agreed and started rehab a week ago. It's not that bad I think the group discussion is the worst because people always look at me with so much pity I can feel it coming out of their pores.

I stopped talking about the bad things and started talking about the good things, Rachel. "Dude, you're filthy rich and you have an amazing girl.. why are you even here?" the new guy said, he's been here about 2 days and since I don't talk about the bad anymore he's only her the good, "Not everything is good dude, just rather focus on what I have instead of what was taken from me." With that being said, group ended and I wheeled myself back to my room, wheelchairs are hard to move around by the way, when I got there she was in the shower and I could hear her singing and I get in the bed and melt to her voice flowing through my ears, "_Let it Be"_ one of the best songs that was ever made.

At the moment, I knew she was singing it more for us more for our future, I could feel her with every word I felt like a problem that once burdened me was slowly being lifted off my shoulders and I started to slowly sing along with her, our voices mixing together to form the most passionate and beautiful harmony. It's nothing in this world that is going to take me away from her, she steps out and I didn't even know she had gotten out the shower. "You sound amazing, I've missed that voice." She comes and lies down beside me. " I have too. I want to spend the rest of my life listening to you sing in the shower, and going to all your shows and listening to you on stage as you blow everyone else out the water. I don't want to go a day without you Rach, ever.

I could feel her snuggle up to me closer, "Good, because I'm not going anywhere, I'll always be here, there's no place in this world that I would rather be."

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"Two more days of rehab! How do you feel baby?" Finn has been amazing since he woke up, I could tell for a minute that he was struggling and I brought to his attention of rehab and he gladly went.

"I feel amazing, I get to walk across the stage and into your arms in week I don't think anything else gets better then that."He replies, with a smile on his face. Ok Rachel, now is the perfect time to ask him, " I have something to ask you Finn and I want you to be honest because I don't think we have actually had a honest to God discussion about it and I think it's time." I take his hand into mine, " What are we going to do after graduation? I mean I have to go to school and that's all the way in New York, and now you have a WHOLE company that is depending on you to take them places and some you have to save, I just don't see where I fit into all of that." I couldn't stop the tears that started from my eyes when I heard him let out a small chuckle "And what is sooo funny ?" I pull my hand away from him and turn my body away from him a little. "Nothing, I didn't know I had to give you a blow by blow of what's to come, but I will. Were going to spend the summer here getting ready and me dealing with the court stuff and learning the business more then I already do, I'll work out getting everything ready to be moved or easier for me to access. We will go to New York find us a small apartment so you can have that feeling of being a struggling actress, which isn't the case but I know how important that is to you. I will have my people set up a room as my office and we will move in and you will start school, I will run my business and at night we will come home to each other and make hot passionate love and then you know kids and stuff." When he finished I couldn't help but take his face into my hands and crash my lips into his, pouring every emotion I felt into it so he could know exactly how I felt.

"Do you think it will be that easy?" I ask, "No, I figure we will have a few moments that are hard, but we're special, we're different Rach, we can do anything and given our past we can make it through anything. I'm confident that we are going to be ok in the long run, we are going to have a fairy tale ended because everything we have been through we deserve it." He couldn't be more right; we needed each other more then anything in this world. I didn't know love could be so strong, that it takes you over, when your heart beats you know it's not just for you but for the other person too.

"We are going to have the best life, and ..kids and stuff? Whoa , I am a proper girl and I must be wed before any children." I put on my best southern belle accent," Oh, Ms. Berry I plan on having your hand in marriage way before kids come in the picture." And with that our lips connected again, his tongue began to beg for entrance, I granted it immediately, his hands started to ease up my thigh and I let out a low moan, its been way to long since I've had him, all of him. His lips trail down to my neck and hit the spot that always got me right where I needed to be for him, his hand crept in between my legs "Someone is ready." He whispers into my neck until he continues to kiss me " You have no idea" I say back before his finger starts to tease me rubbing vigorously while sliding another inside of me, "Faster Finn!" he starts to pump faster until my body tightens around his fingers, he positions himself at my opening and then sliding his fingers out he instantly replaces them with his long and large length, "FINN!" I couldn't help but yell, he takes his hand and covers my mouth, " still in a hospital Rach." I start to meet his thrust with my own until they both become wild and unpredictable, feeling him fill me with his own release I soon followed after as he slowly pumped inside of me so we both ride it out together.

"That is what my life has been missing." He says still trying to find his breath, I couldn't help but laugh." It has been way to long."

"I love you Finn, and I'm so happy you want to spend your life with me, because this. " I say pointing between us. "Is exactly how I picture my life."

"I love you too Rachel Barbra Berry, I cant wait until I get to add Hudson at the end of that." And with that said I throw the covers over us and we drift slowly to sleep.

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**So let me know because I'm thinking one more chapter maybe two.. and then a epilogue? or a sequel **

**but let me know how your feeling about this story if you have any questions or ideas let me know! **

**thank you guys so much for following along with me! **

**Review please and thank you!**


	13. ill see you later

**And here we are..the end, im def going to do a sequel! I already have a pretty good idea how it's going to go! so give a few days and it will be up! I wanted to thank you guys for reviewing and everything it really meant a lot to me, its a few flashbacks so they are in italic.**

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"I love you"

"I love you too"

"All rise, In the case of Christopher F. Hudson VS. The State, how does the jury find.." After the judge spoke as Jury number 1 stood up, "On the count of Child endangerment: Guilty; Domestic Assault: Guilty; Possession of a Controlled Substance: Guilty.

It was a moment…the defining moment and I felt like I couldn't breathe.

"Attempted Murder against one, Finn Hudson, with the intent of death…-Guilty, your honor"

It's over, I can't move. I can see everyone around me cheering and crying as they all sighed in relief, its like everything slows down and I start to flash back to the night I knew that this day was going to come…

_"It's one hell of a ride huh son?" Is this how he feels every night my heart is racing faster then I thought it ever could. " I don't really like it dad" I say trying to slow my heart down. "When I was in the war this white powdery shit was the only thing that would keep the nightmares and the urge to kill away" He doesn't want to see me to do better, he just wants me to be him. The drugs that are cursing through my veins shows me that he never loved me like a father should. I have to get him out of my life._

"Finn…Finn!" her voice brings me out of my memory. "Huh? Sorry Rach.. I was just thinking" Right when I stop talking I see my father being escorted out and he turns and we lock eyes, and for the first time in my life I see my dad. The father I saw in the pictures before he went away for his last tour. I rip my eyes away from his and rush out of the court room; fresh air is what I need. "I don't get to have a normal family." I say without turning around, I know she's behind me, I can always feel her before I see her. "You have me, I might not be normal…but we can make it work." She wraps her arms around my waist. "I love you Rachel, I don't want anyone in this world other then you." Grabbing her hand and walking down the court house stairs, I'm leaving him, and that life behind me.

He controlled me, he changed me. I fight that everyday that's all I have to remember him by, an addiction I'll spend my life fighting and pain. But I have Rachel, we are a family and at the end of the day she is all I need, she's the only thing I've ever needed and i'll spend my life reminding her of that at every chance I get.

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"_This is NOT a 'struggling actress'apartment Finn, this is a ' I've won 3 Tonys'" actress MANSION." It doesn't make sense to him but I want to do this on my own I want to build myself up and when my friends from NYADA come over I don't want to think I'm just some spoiled brat, I want to get parts based on my talent not by what I have. "I know Rachel, but I have to move a lot of my business here and I need the room for everything and when I have meetings here it's going to be 10+ people here at a time. They already think I'm too young to run this and crazy for adding 2 restaurants in New York, I have to show them I can. Parties are going to be thrown here, and I needed the office area to work and since I'm taking online classes in business I'm going to be spending a lot of my time there. Listen we can get you a apartment and you can make it your hang out spot. I know how important this is to you , but baby this is our life." I know he's right, that's what makes it hard to put up a fight" Fine, but I want my tiny apartment Finn. I don't want to be known as the rich girl or the spoiled brat."He just nods and laughs and I know it's because at the moment I was being exactly that, a spoiled brat._

"You ready baby? Our plane is about to take off?"

"Finn, take my hand." He does and I pull him over to the window. "We're leaving Finn, everything that has ever hurt us, is in this little town and were leaving it behind. I just wanted a minute to say bye." He pulls me close and kisses my hair," I said bye a long time ago Rachel, but you take your time." It's scary to think that when we walk onto the plane, it's a new life waiting for us, Finn will have to come back sometimes just to check on everything that is being handle here in Lima, but he knows his mom can handle this part. He gave Puck her assistant job he says because he owes him and he likes to know he's taken care of but I think he always wants to make sure his mama isn't spending any of her time worried about his dad."Okay, I'm ready"

I turn my back on Lima and start to walk towards the plane. Away from my dad, from the memory of Brody, from the tears I let fall every night he came into my room. I tighten my grip around Finns hand, I hold on to my future the only thing that truly matters. I'll live my life beside him, going to NYADA and being a Broadway diva. We'll get married and I'll have little Finns running around my feet. This is the life I wanted, and the life I was meant to have.

"You ready to have the best life ever?" I laugh and kiss his as we sit in our seats. "Well don't jinx it baby!" he turns and deepens the kiss before pulling away. " I have you and you have me.. everything is going to be perfect Rachel." I sigh and lean back and put my headphones in, "_Hit me with your best shot..why don't you hit me with your best shot.."_ I pause the music and look over at him. "Promise me Finn..That no matter what gets thrown our way ..We'll always hold on to each other? It's going to be harder in New York, so promise me I won't lose you."

"I promise Rachel, I don't plan on every letting you go. Yes, it will be harder, but you are my home, you give me the strength I need to keep doing what I'm doing. You won't ever lose me"

"I never planned on it either, you're stuck with me Mr. Hudson" I snuggle closer to him, I hear him let out a laugh, I look at him right when he looks down at me. "We're forever baby, it's the only thing that makes sense, and no one else can handle my crazy." He starts to laugh again and I silence him with a kiss. I pull away and look out the window...we're forever.

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**So please tell me how you guys liked it, its not the technical 'end' since like I said I'm doing a sequel but its the end of the drama dealing with their past..were going to move on to the drama of the future.**

**So.. I hope you guys come back for the next part of this! **

**review and let me know! I want to know if you guys have any ideas or questions.. the stories do tie in together so sone parts will flashback to this time of their lives, but not that much.**

**Again, thank you guys so much.. it means so much to me!**

**REVIEW!**


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